Tiffany's Random Thoughts

What Was I Thinking?

2011-04-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

Edited to add: I wrote this right before Mama Kat's writing workshop prompts came out and it happened to fit perfectly for the "describe a phone call" prompt. So I'm cheating and using it for that.

This is a tough post for me, but it's something I have to do. I need to let this all out somewhere.

First of all, here's a little background...
About 13 years ago, I was home from college for the summer. I was heartbroken from my first taste of love. I was a 20 year old mess. After a long, miserable summer I had decided that I just needed to get on with life and start dating again. That's when I met "S". To make a long story as short as possible, I fell in love. We had a very volatile relationship. He drank. A lot. But at the time, so did I (I was in college) so it didn't seem too much of a red flag. Ok, it was a big flashing neon sign, but I was young and desperate to be in love. We stayed together through my years in college and then we moved back to my hometown and rented a place together and later he bought us a house there. When he was sober, we got along great. He was my best friend and we truly clicked. We loved to ~~argue~~ have long in depth conversations. We challenged each other. I really loved to be around him and it didn't really matter what we were doing, we just enjoyed each other. And then there was the drinking. He was a mean drunk. Not physically. He never laid a hand on me. (although I was the only thing...there were holes in walls, broken furniture, ect) But he would yell and scream and rant at me. All his frustrations would get taken out on me. In the morning, he would be sorry and 2 days later we would be back to normal. 4 days later it would happen again. It was a vicious cycle that never ended and left me emotionally tormented. I wasn't in a unique position...family members of alcoholics deal with this on a daily basis. I was stuck. I loved him and cared about him, but I couldn't change him. Believe me, I tried. Finally, 6 years later, I somehow managed to leave. I left fast and without warning. Basically, I ran like hell and never looked back. I stopped answering calls and wouldn't tell him where I was. I felt like I escaped.

I jumped into a new relationship almost immediately. I didn't mean to, but I think I knew that I would be tempted to go back and being in a new relationship kept me away from him. (I had tried leaving a few times before and always went back) Leaving him was the hardest thing I had ever done. I hated him for not being able to put down the bottle. I hated myself for staying as long as I did. I hated myself for still caring about him no matter what he dished out to me. I hated myself for abandoning him and not being strong enough to get us both through it. I did the only thing I was strong enough to do. I completely blocked him and the past 6 years from my memory and thoughts and moved on like those years never existed. I moved on. I had a family. I thought I was happy.

Then shit happened. My world fell apart.

In the months that followed, I tried to find myself and put myself back together. One night I re-read some of my old journals and came across some entries from when S and I were together. It all started coming back to me. In a moment of weakness, I made a mistake. I called him. Dumb, dumb, dumb. I don't know why I did it. Loneliness, guilt, soul searching...I was just lost and somehow I knew that I would get some answers from him. So we talked and talked and talked some more. We fell right back into our friendship and banter. He made me feel good and I realized how much I missed him. He told me he grew up. He told me he changed. Told me that messing up with me was the biggest regret he had. I knew it was possible, but unlikely. But I'm a sucker. We went to a movie. We texted. We hung out. Then, I got scared. It was getting too comfortable and I wasn't ready. He said he understood and hoped someday we could have a chance, but he realized that I needed my time and space. Quite honestly, I just had some little feelings that he hadn't change as much as he led on and I am not putting myself and my daughter through that. I just won't do it. I felt guilty (again) though.

That was over a month ago. We haven't talked since. Occasionally I get a text from him, and I have responded with short and to the point replies.

And then my phone rang.

Last night at 10:30pm, I get a phone call from him. I answered b/c I hadn't talked to him in awhile and it wasn't like him to call. (texting is more his style)

He was drunk. I should have hung up right then, but I didn't. Dumb, dumb, dumb. I listened. I listened to him ramble and slur and beg. I listened to him confess that I am the only person he has ever loved. I listened to him call me an asshole. I basically listened to a flashback of 10 years ago. I finally told him I couldn't listen anymore and hung up. He called over and over and I sent the calls to voicemail. He texted and I ignored him.

I slept like shit.

I hate alcoholism. HATE it. It has robbed him. I know that he is an amazing person with a huge heart. Having a relationship with an alcoholic is like being in a relationship with two different people. One that you love and one that you hate. You can't separate the two of them no matter how much you want to. You can't fix it and it doesn't just go away. I spent 6 years trying to save him from himself and I almost lost myself in the fight. Today I'm sad and pissed off. I'm sad that he hasn't found his way out yet. I'm sad that he just doesn't see it and continues to self destruct. I'm pissed that I almost got sucked back in and I'm pissed that I still care.

What's Missing Tells More

2011-04-14T16:15:00.000-07:00

They say that the contents of a woman's purse says a lot about her. Mama Kat's writing prompt this week was to tell what the contents of your purse say about you. I started to write about this and decided that it just wasn't very insightful. The contents of my purse are pretty sparse and predictable. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the things NOT in my purse say a lot more about me.

What's missing...

1. Tissues and Wet Wipes. I'm a mom and I should have these things, but I don't. What's worse is that I know I will need them and I still neglect to put them in. I don't know why...no clue. For crying out loud, my mom has Wet Wipes in her purse and she doesn't even have a toddler. Whenever I am out with my mom and my child, I have to ask her for Wet Wipes for my kid. Fail. Sadly, this is very typical of me. I am just not a prepared sort of girl. I figure that anywhere I go there is bound to be a bathroom with papertowels and water. Maybe this is why I was a girl scout drop out.

2. Credit Cards. Yup, not a one. I got myself into trouble with credit cards and I have since sliced and diced them all. The closest thing I have is my debit card. I'm actually pretty proud of this even though it means I have missed out on some great purchases. I'm not good at self discipline and I am a compusive shopper, so this goes in the win category.

3. Toys, games, ect. Once again, I'm just not very prepared. I know there are times when they would be nice to keep the little one occupied, but I just don't do it. Part of it is because I just don't like having a 30 pound purse, part of it is because I am a slacker.

4. Medicine. You would think I would learn to keep some Tylenol in there, but I never do. But hey, if I get a headache I'm sure my mom has some in her purse.

5. Makeup. Not because I don't need it, but because I just don't have time to mess with it when I am out. Oh, I may have some chapstick, but that is all. I am a horse girl. I live on the farm and don't wear make up everyday. It's not because I am self confident, it's because I just don't have the time to care most days.

6. Money. This one just sucks.

7. A Calendar. I used to have one, now I have my blackberry and without it I would be completely lost. It's a little crazy how much I rely on that thing. I'm not sure I would know any of my friends' numbers without it. I certainly wouldn't know when or where I was supposed to be most days. It's a crutch and I've come to terms with that.

So there you have it, I'm an unprepared slacker. In reality, my purse has very little in it and most days I just grab my wallet and leave my purse behind. On the other hand, I could live for a week out of what is in my car...it has EVERYTHING stashed in it. I don't really know what all this says about me...maybe I need to take my purse to therapy and have it's contents (or lack thereof) analyzed by a professional.

Back on the Main Land

2011-04-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posting lately, but I was out of town and then recovering from being out of town. Charlie and I went to Hawaii for one of my best friend's wedding. It was an amazing trip! I had planned on going on this trip since it was first offered almost 9 months ago, but with all the recent events in my life I wasn't sure I would still go. In the end, I opted to go and to take Charlie along with me. I was worried about the long trip there and back with a 3 1/2 year old. I don't travel much and I have only flown twice in my life...once for my senior year spring break and once for my honeymoon. Taking a 14 hour trip across country with my daughter was a scary, yet exciting thought.

I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing. My parents tried and tried to convince me to leave Charlie with them and go on my own, but the thought of being that far from her was paralyzing. Not only that, but I really wanted us to have the experience together. I was terrified, but the fear was all for nothing. We had a fantastic time and the traveling, while somewhat never-racking, was quite smooth. My little girl was a champ on all the flights (6 in all) and I managed to keep track of her and our luggage without losing my sanity.

I can't even begin to describe all the amazing things that happened on our trip, but it was an experience I will never forget. Besides, if I do forget any of it, I have a couple hundred pictures to remind me. I won't bore you with all the flowery descriptions and details of everything we did, but I will say this...Hawaii is by far the most beautiful place I have ever been in my life. It is the closest thing to paradise I can even imagine. I would go back in a heartbeat (if I could afford it).

In the end, it turned out to be a priceless experience for me. I feel somewhat empowered by it all. I am a newly single mom and I live very close to my friends and family. I am lucky to have such a strong support group so close by, but sometimes it leaves me feeling dependant. Sometimes I question my ability to be a good mom without having to constantly lean on others. This trip made me realize that I can do things on my own and be quite competent. Was I nervous? SHIT YES. Did we survive? Of course. Did we rock Hawaii and have a great time? HELLS TO THE YEAH!!

I'm Outta Here!

2011-03-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posting lately, but my internet has been down. I hope you all are doing well. I will be on hiatus for a bit, but I promise to be back soon and post all the details!

Mission Accomplished

2011-03-16T19:35:00.001-07:00

# 7....completed.

Hallelujah!

Glowing.

Dear Charlie

2011-03-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

* This picture really isn't this old...I just didn't set the date on my camera...dur.

One of the things I've struggled with lately is how to be honest with my daughter, yet still keep things age appropriate. It's just me and her now. I want to keep a very open relationship with her and above all I want to make sure she knows that she can trust me. I've been very careful not to lie to her about her father's death, but at the same time I haven't been completely open with her. I can't. Someday I will have to find a way to explain to her that he chose to take his own life, I just don't think that at three she is ready to understand that. I've tried to figure out how to balance it all and I've come up with a compromise of sorts. While I don't think my idea is completely original (I think I have heard bits and pieces of others with similar ideas), I still maintain that the idea is pretty kick ass.

I've always like to journal and blog, so I am going to use it to my advantage. I'm going to start a new journal. I'm calling it "Dear Charlie." I'm going to write letters to her in hopes that someday she can read them and it will give us both a starting ground to talk about all the things life throws at you. I can tell her what I am going through right now...how I am feeling about things right now. Then, someday, when she is ready to understand, it will give her insight and remind me of how I was feeling "back then". I want to tell her about my college experiences...yes, even some of the not so proud moments, in hopes that she learns from them. And even if she doesn't learn from them, at least she will know that her mom did some really dumb things, so there isn't anything she should ever be ashamed to come to me about. I want to tell her how much she amazes me on a day basis, so that when she's older and goes through moments (hopefully short ones) of hating me, she'll have a reminder of how much I truly care. I want to write little snippets of happy or funny memories so that one day we can both look back and laugh and reminisce together.

There's another reason for all of this. I keep struggling with how I didn't really know my husband. I honestly don't know how he felt about me. I don't understand what he was going through or what he was feeling up to point where he decided that it just wasn't worth going on. It kills me. Someday my daughter is going to struggle with that too. She is going to wonder, like I do, why he didn't love us enough to stay with us. I know, I know...that's not the right way to look at it and you really can't take it that way. Right or wrong, it fucks with you just the same. I need her to know, that while I can't give her the answers to explain what was going on in her dad's head, I can leave her with undeniable proof that her mom loves her more than anything. If, God forbid, something would ever happen to me to take me from this world before my daughter is old enough to know that, I want to leave her with my words. My words letting her know just how smart, beautiful, loving and amazing she truly is. My words reminding her that I love her more than I ever knew it possible to love someone. I want to leave her with my hopes and dreams for her. I want to leave her advice in case I'm not here to give it.

I hope I have years and years to write these letters to her and I hope that one day we will get the chance to read them together.

How

2011-03-13T19:14:00.000-07:00

How can you love someone and hate someone so much all at the same time?

How can you act so strong on the outside that everyone else believes it (even yourself most days), even though you are dying on the inside?

How can you mourn someone that betrayed you? Even though a part of you hates them, deep down you know that you still love them(and somehow you hate yourself for hating them and hate yourself for loving them...all at the same time.

How do you know who to turn to when the one person you want to talk to, need to talk to, is gone?

It's been a rough day. I've been sick for a week (hence the lack of posting). It's been almost 6 months that he's been gone. It seems like it's been a lifetime and yet it feels like it was yesterday. I was so angry at first that I couldn't cry. I was ashamed that I couldn't be sad. Now I am sad and I feel stupid to cry over someone who wronged me in so many ways. No matter what emotion I am feeling (and there are about 100 different ones a day), I feel like it is wrong. I'm all over the place. I feel torn and broken. I am turning to all the wrong things in hope of distraction from the emotions I don't know how to face. I'm tired. Physically and emotionally. If I wasn't sick I would probably go out and find someone to distract me, but I just don't have the energy. So instead I am sitting here being haunted by me.

Back Off My Taco!!

2011-03-05T05:45:00.000-08:00

Pardon me while I bitch about stupidity for a bit. I heard about yet another lawsuit against a fast food restaurant and it really just pisses me off. We all have heard about the lady who sued McDonalds because her coffee was too hot and the more recent lawsuit over happy meals. I think these (along with a long list of others) are just ridiculous. But now people have pushed me too far. They are messing with one of my favorite late night stops.

Taco Bell

I do love me some Taco Bell.

Now my beloved source of cheap, yet oh so delicious, tacos is being sued over the quality of ingredients in their food. WTF?!?!

Basically, some ~~douche bag~~ well meaning citizen is suing Taco Bell because they claim that their menu items contain beef when, in reality, the beef has so many fillers that it does not meet USDA requirements. See details here.

Are you freaking kidding me? Can we all just say "DUH".

Okay, let's think rationally about this. Their menu items start at $.89 and they don't have anything priced over $3. What exactly do you expect on such a budget? Do you think that something priced so ridiculously cheap is really a quality product? Frankly, I don't care about the quality of beef in my taco. It tastes FANTASTIC. If you want quality, pony up the money and go to a real restaurant. Or better yet, cook your own food.

I'm begging here...stop this nonsense. Here's the deal...this lawsuit, win or lose, is going to cost Taco Bell money. They have to pay for lawyers, settlements and then advertising to fix their public image. We all know what happens next. Who is going to pay for this? Me. That's right. Next thing you know, the price of 4am tacos will go up and my late night craving will cost me extra coin. Another possibility is that they will increase the quality of their product and the price will skyrocket.

I don't want a quality taco...I want my .$99 taco just the way it is.

10 "Must Haves" for Spring

2011-03-02T23:21:00.000-08:00

Today's post is inspired by MamaKat 's writer's workshop prompt, "Share 10 'Must Haves' for Spring"

When I first saw this prompt, my mind immediately went to flip-flops, bikini's, ect. Yeah, yeah...who doesn't need those. The more I thought about it though, the more I decided that my "must haves" for this spring are less on the consumer side of things. The list is a bit random, but you really shouldn't expect anything else.

So here they are... My 10 "Must Haves" for Spring (in no particular order)

#1. Motivation. This winter (and recent events in my life) have killed my motivation. I always battle the winter blahs and this year has been worse. Once this craptastic weather breaks, I need to get my butt in gear and get back to living.

#2. Forgiveness. I need to forgive him and myself. I could write a book on this one thing alone.

#3. Trust. Something tells me that this isn't something that I can just pick up at the local Wal-Mart and I am guessing that it isn't something I will have by the end of Spring. However, I will start trying. I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to trust a man again, not completely. Not only that, but I am beginning to wonder if I will ever be able to trust myself again. Trust myself to make good decisions, trust myself to truly see what is in front of my face, trust myself to be able to make it as a single mom.

#4. Snuggles. Who doesn't need some good snuggling? It's one of those often taken for granted things you have in a relationship. A good movie is so much better when you have someone to lean on and cuddle with. I hear you can find this on craigslist, but that's just way too creepy. I'll stick with my puppy for now.

#5. $1 million dollars. Yeah I know, money can't buy happiness. Probably true, but in the name of science, I would really like to test this theory. No? Well this is my damn list, so shut it.

#6. Common Sense. No, not for me. I already have some. What I would like, is to have a bag full of it so I could pass it out to the hordes of people who are severely lacking it. Holy shit, they are everywhere and I really would like to have a nice spring where I don't have to deal with moronic dipshits.

#7. Sex. Don't judge me. I'm in my 30's and maybe I'm a bit bitter and jaded, but that doesn't mean I don't have a damn pulse.

#8. A clone. I've only been a single working mom for 5 months and it's hard work. I could seriously benefit from having another one of me to help with the load.

#9. Nap-time. I would love to have a 2 or 3 hour nap-time everyday. You know, one without interruptions. I could even multi-task and nap while tanning...two birds, one stone.

#10. Screw it, I'm adding flip-flops to the list. I know I said I was staying away from the typical consumer list, but I DO need a good pair of flip-flops.

Over-imagination and my 4:00am Visitor

2011-02-28T18:16:00.000-08:00

I'll admit it up front...I'm kind of a chicken. I hate being alone at night. Ever since I was a little girl, I hated being alone at night. Every creak and noise caused me to freeze in my bed, terrified of what was lurking just outside my door. I never really outgrew it.

Over the past few months I have been adjusting quite well to living without another adult in the household. I have been able to sleep at night, haven't gotten scared and pretty much have started to feel a little bit like a bad ass.

Until last night.

Last night it stormed. A lot. The daughter and I drove home late from a friend's house and it was just an eerie sort of night. Lots of thunder and lightening and creepy, patchy fog. We got home a little after ten and the house was dark. I don't mind storms, but I HATE coming home to a dark house. Hate it. The wee one hates thunder more than I hate dark houses. It reduces her to a quivering, scared little mouse. Needless to say, we both ended up in my bed. Her cowering under the covers and me trying to soothe her and play protector from the angry skies.

I must have been pretty convincing because it didn't take long for her to fall asleep. I curled up beside her with a book and waited for sleep to overtake me.

It wasn't happening.

I couldn't fall asleep. I don't know if it was the change in temperature or the moisture, but my house was creaking like an eighty year old's joints. It sounded like people were walking all over outside my door. I KNEW that it was just house noises. I KNEW this. Yet for some reason, fear and irrational thought overtook me and I found myself with the covers up to my chin, eyes wide open, almost paralyzed in fear. This went on for hours. I just couldn't turn it off and even worse, the longer I lay there, the worse the fear got. So I did what any self-respecting, bad ass girl would do.

I called my daddy.

Like a 7 year old needing someone to check under the bed and in the closet. I know, pathetic right? Don't answer....I know.

But you know what? He came and everything was fine (which logically, I knew). Was he mad that I woke him up at some insane hour? Not at all. He even insisted of sleeping on my couch the rest of the night so I could get some sleep. Now granted he lives next door, so I didn't drag him from far away, but it was 4am and I am sure that it wasn't on the top of his list of things to do.

So today I am feeling a little sleep deprived, embarassed and a whole lot less like a bad ass, but I am feeling very lucky and very loved. Even so, next time I'll just leave more lights on.

The Back Story

2011-02-27T21:19:00.000-08:00

I'm not even sure where to begin. I started this blog shortly after getting married. I've talked about my hubby, his kids from his first marriage and then about the arrival of our own daughter (along with all kinds of other random stuff). Then life happened. I got busy. I got wrapped up in my life and quit blogging. I was raising three kids, working full time and trying to do all the other things in life that we all do. During that time, things got kinda rough around here. Hubby bounced from job to job. Money was tight, but there was always a wealth of stress to go around. I don't know when the marriage fell apart, but if I am brutally honest I guess the problems were there from the beginning, I just didn't want to see them. On the outside we looked like the perfect family; nice house, cute kids and oh so in love. Eh, how the mind can deceive.

Looking back there were always signs. Signs I subconsciously chose to ignore. Sometimes I feel like I was in a fantasy world where nothing was real. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl and now I just feel dumb. I mean some of the signs were BIG. In flashing neon.

Without going into more detail then you need or want to know, here's how it all played out in the end. In October 2010, I found out that hubby cheated on me. With someone I know. 10+ years our junior. I left that night with my daughter to stay with a friend. When I couldn't get a hold of him on his phone the next day, I sent my friend's hubby (also my hubby's best friend) to go talk to him. What he found was something no one should have to find.

Now I am left trying to muddle through the hand I've been dealt. It's been almost 5 months and I am starting to feel like I am coming out of the fog. Not completely, but at least it is a start. I can't explain the roller coaster of emotions I have on a daily basis. Everyone deals with loss and every one's experience is unique, but I haven't been able to find anyone who has been through something like this. I know they are out there, but I haven't come across them yet. I'd like to though.

I think I'll leave it at that for now. I just thought you should know some history to be able to fully understand upcoming posts. Don't fret though...I am not all gloom and doom. Like I said, I am starting to get my life back together. And even though a part of me feels hurt and jaded, I think I am still a glass half full kind of girl at heart. My posts are not all going to center around this event in my life. I want it to be about moving forward and finding myself again. Me as a whole and not as someone else's half. I want to post about the good stuff in life; the funny and the ridiculous; the stuff that pisses me off. (and as I venture back into the murky dating waters again, I am sure that I will have plenty of material)

Changed My Mind

2011-02-24T21:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I was planning on starting a new blog but I spent two hours trying to come up with a name for it and got nowhere. I decided that there isn't really any reason to start over. I edited this one a bit and will just start adding to this one. What can I say? I'm lazy.

If you've been here before, you know that I am pretty random with my posts. I usually just write whatever happens to be bouncing around in my head. I MAY try to be a little more organized this time around...then again, probably not. I try to write fun or thought provoking posts and in the past I have tried not to make my posts too "diary" like. I think that may change a bit. Recent events in my life have been pretty dramatic. I've been faced with things I never thought I would experience and I think I need to share them here. I hope you will hang around and give me a chance.

Check back soon for my next post...

New Venture

2011-02-23T15:09:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post....

My life has been turned upside down by recent events...I am going to start a new blog very soon...I am hoping my former followers will check out the new blog as soon as I have it up and running. Check back soon for details.

Dear Obama

2009-03-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

***Disclaimer****

This was emailed to me. It is a forward and I don't know where it originated, but it is damn funny....and sadly true.

Dear President Obama,

I wish to thank you for helping my neighbors with their mortgage payments. You know the one's down the street that in the good times refinanced their house several times and bought SUV's, ATV's, RV"s, a pool, a big screen, two Wave Runners and a Harley. But I was wondering, since I am paying my mortgage and theirs, could you arrange for me to borrow the Harley now and then?

P.S. They also need help with their credit cards, when do you want me to start making those payments?

P.P.S. I almost forgot - they didn't file their income tax return this year. Should I go ahead and file for them or will you be appointing them to cabinet posts?

My battle With Public School...Act One, Scene One

2009-03-03T20:58:00.000-08:00

As many of you know I've been frustrated with our public school system for some time. Today I was at Mackenzie's school as a parent helper and happened to get a chance to sit down with the principal for a few minutes to discuss some of my concerns. After our meeting she emailed the teacher I had some issues with and that teacher called me in to discuss it. I met with her and we had a good conversation that basically ended in us respectfully disagreeing. She called me later and told me that she had emailed the principal back with the results of our discussion and then the principle emailed her back with some things. She wanted to clear up some points and informed me that she would be emailing the principal back and she would copy that email to me. Well, she ended up sending me the entire back and forth emails between the two of them. I was annoyed that the whole high school nature of the emails and decided to respond in an email sent to both of them. I thought I would share all the email fun with you guys! Let me know what you think!

Here is the first email from the principal (Kitty) to the teacher (Deb):

Deb,

Mrs. Tiffany Dxxxx stopped in today. She would like to meet with you. She is concerned because she feels that the standards have dropped in your classroom. She gave specific examples such as the journal does not have to be completed any longer and that students do not have to complete the agenda book. Please call her at XXX-XXXX. She would like to meet with you any day after 12:30.

Kitty

Email #2

Kitty,
Thank you for the information. I meet with Mrs. Dxxxx after school today. We had a pleasant conversation regarding the changes in expectations for daily journal writing and signed agenda books. She expressed that although she has certain expectations for Mackenzie, she understands given the reasons I shared.
Mrs. Dxxxx also shared that she went to talk with you, instead of myself, because she wanted to express her frustrations with the school, as a whole.

~Deb~

Email #3
Deb,

When Mrs. Dxxxx entered the main office she explained that she did not know with whom she should talk. Mrs. Shumaker ushered her into my office. In her conversation with me, Mrs. Dxxxx did not express any concerns with any other teacher or school items with the exception of your classroom. She shared other parents have come to speak with you and they did not feel that you heard their concerns.

Kitty

Email #4

Kitty,

I just got off the phone with Mrs. Dxxxx and I am courtesy copying her in this correspondence. Mrs. Dxxxx shared that today she walked into the office for the purpose of scheduling an appointment. She found out that you had 10 minutes or so and shared with you at that time that she probably should have had conversation with me first. She did not feel that she probably had sufficient time to "get her thoughts together." She confirmed that she gave specific examples of changes in the classroom, but maybe you "just didn't get" that she had concerns about the school and with other staff. She did not confirm your statement that "other parents have come to speak with...[me]...and did not feel that...[I] heard their concerns."

~Deb~

And here is my reply with I emailed to both the teacher and the principal.

Mrs. Zxxxxx & Mrs. Hxxxxxx,

I do not wish to engage in a "he said, she said" kind of discussing. I am sorry for any confusion. I will address my thoughts to both of you in this email so we are all on the same page. First of all, my concerns are with the overall education system that we have experienced, but the issues I have discussed with both of you from Mrs. Hxxxxx's class are specific examples. I am not trying to assign blame, rather I am trying to point out areas that I feel need changed or improved upon.

I am disappointed with the expectations for my (step) daughter. At the beginning of the school year, I was satisfied that the work level and the classroom structure established was appropriate and that the level of communication would be high. I was very pleased with the way the agenda book was to be handled. My step-daughter is very bright, but we are continually battling with her responsibility and communication skills. I was relieved to know that both the teacher and I would be required to sign the agenda book daily so that I would know if she was missing work or having trouble in any areas. I was also happy with the nightly required reading and journal entries. There was also to be a small amount of take-home homework each week that could be expected. In the beginning of the year she was managing her time with these assignments because she knew they were required. Now that all of these things have been dropped as requirements, she complains that I make her do them anyway when they aren't graded or counted for credit. I feel that these are important or they wouldn't have been started in the first place.

It is my understanding that there are some students whose parents do not help them at home and that because they cannot meet the requirements (through no fault of their own) the requirements have been dropped. While I understand this, what it means for my child is that the expectations for her have been lowered. I realize that there is no perfect solution that works for the entire student body. My concern with the education system as a whole is that as the standards are continually lowered to make every child able to succeed in every situation, the students are no longer challenged. Why can't exceptions for those students without parental support be made instead of changing(lowering) the expectations of ALL the students? Why not require the students to read nightly and fill out a reading log without parent signatures? This way the requirements and expectations are put on the heads of the students without relying on the parents. Those students without parental support are going to have to do homework someday, why not begin teaching the responsibility now? I want my daughter to be prepared for the years that lie ahead.

While I am airing my thoughts, I have one other thing to share that I haven't discussed yet. In another of Mackenzie's classrooms some politically slanted comments have been made that I do not appreciate. Mackenzie came home to tell me that "President Bush was the worse president ever". When I asked her why she felt that way, she didn't have an answer other than that is what her teacher told her. When I asked her why her teacher thought he was a bad president, she said that the teacher didn't say. I don't think it is a teacher's place to express their political or religious beliefs to students without at least sharing both sides to the argument. As a fourth grader, my daughter believes that teachers are always right and she doesn't completely comprehend the difference between a teacher's opinion and fact. Mackenzie took the statement that her teacher made as a fact, not the teacher's opinion. I wasn't there and I don't know exactly what was said, but from several things Mackenzie has told me throughout the year, I know this teachers political views and I know they have been filtered to Mackenzie. I believe she should be learning about government and politics from a bi-partisan viewpoint.

In conclusion, I do not want to point fingers or criticize. I do want to express what I see happening and how I feel about it. I don't think I am the only parent with these concerns or frustrations. When the community is standing at the polls, making a decision to vote for or against the levy, these are the things that affect that decision. I am concerned that as the public school system lowers expectations for students, those top students will move to private or home schools, starting a trend that will be the eventual downfall of the system. I am a product of Greenville City Schools and would like to continue to be proud of that. I want to see the school system succeed and improve. I would like be confident that my children will receive a quality education that challenges them and helps them grow and prepare for "the real world."

Thank you both for taking the time to address my concerns. I hope I haven't come across as "just complaining", but rather as trying to express some issues that I (and others) feel are important. Please feel free to contact me with any further concerns or questions.

Sincerely,
Tiffany Dxxxxx

I'm Not Ready For My 4th Grader to Learn About Abortion...Public School Outrage part 2

2009-02-08T21:27:00.000-08:00

My step-daughter came from school with a project to do a report, oral and written, on Gloria Steinem. Now I'll be quite honest, I didn't know jack about her. Sure, I've heard of her, but I couldn't remember anything specific. Anyway, Kenzie gets started on finding all of the information that must be in the report. She hops on Wikipedia and starts gathering the usual stats...place and date of birth, education, family, ect. When she gets to the part of having to explain "What are they famous for?" she calls to me for help. I go to the computer to help because she "doesn't understand what these things are." Wikipedia says, "Gloria Marie Steinem (born March 25, 1934) is an American feminist icon, journalist, and social and political activist. Rising to national prominence in the 1970s, she became a leading political leader of the decade, and one of the most important heads of the second-wave of the women's rights movement. She is the founder and original publisher of Ms. magazine, the founder of the pro-choice organization Choice USA, co-founder of the Women's Media Center, and was an influential co-convener of the National Women's Political Caucus."

Hmmm.

How to explain this to A FOURTH GRADER.

Call me uptight or old fashion, but I just don't think that my fourth grader is ready to have pro-choice explained to her. Actually, I think fourth grade is a bit young to be explaining feminism to.

It gets worse. Here are some Gloria Steinem quotes we found while searching...

"A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after."

"A woman reading Playboy feels a little like a Jew reading a Nazi manual."

"Pornography is the instruction. Rape is the practice, battered women are the practice, and battered children are the practice. "

"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.”

She was quoted in The New York Observer saying "getting rid of George Bush, by any means necessary short of violence,” because, obviously, it affects everything else. “We are not in his control,” Ms. Steinem said, “so I say, fuck him. You can write your article, I can write my book. He can’t do anything about it."

And in the same above mentioned article she was asked to give advice to young women of today. Her response? To do "whatever they fucking well please".

She is also noted for her opinions on women's rights, the "sexual revolution," consumerism, and the "Playboy philosophy".

As a parent, I am outraged that a teacher would give this person to my fourth grader to go research. Trust me, all of the above took me less than 30 minutes to find. There is a lot more where that came from. Luckily, I was there with Kenzie and was able to stop her research before she found the above. I sat her down and explained that I don't want her to work on this report anymore. I told her that I don't think that Gloria Steinem's accomplishments are something that she would be able to understand very well and there are things about her that are not age appropriate.

Tomorrow, I fully intend to go to Kenzie's school and have a "chat" with her teacher. This is the same teacher I complained about here .

What do you all think? Am I right to be upset about this? Should I confront this teacher? What would you say?

True Cowgirl

2009-02-07T19:29:00.000-08:00

Charlie got her first pair of REAL cowboy boots today. She's had cowboy boot-like booties, but these are actual cowboy boots. Ropers. She was so proud of them!

She liked them so much that she didn't want to take them off. She finally agreed to take them off and go potty, but she had to hold them.

I finally managed to get her in her pjs, but she ended up back in her boots. She decided to wear them to bed. That, my friends, is a true cowgirl at heart!

** The picture quality is bad b/c I had to take them from my phone.

It's Friday Night and My Mango Margarita is Gone

2009-02-06T20:41:00.000-08:00

Hey guys!! It's Friday night and I'm the only one left awake at my house. Tonight my favorite blogtalkradio show had a Stickam party and it was a blast! If you haven't listened to Uncorked, you should go check it out. Kadi and Danielle are the hosts and they are hysterical. They talk about sex and all sorts of other fun stuff. Basically it is the kind of conversation you would have with your closest girl friends. It's exactly what I need after a full day of kid conversation. I get adult talk...it's great. I will warn you...it is definitely not a show to listen to around your kids. It's strictly adult conversation. Also...it is not always PC and not always clean language, but that is what I love about it. There next show is Monday, but you can go back and listen to the past shows. If you are fun and daring or want to be, I highly recommend it!

Go Bucks!!

2009-02-05T06:55:00.000-08:00

I came across these pictures they other day and thought I would share them. To really appreciate them, you have to be an Ohio State Buckeye fan. This is from our county fair in August 2008. My hubby helped his daughter get ready for the fair parade and this is what happened...

Note the detailing... the stripes painted on the horses back match the team's football helmets.

Someone Diagnose Me Please

2009-02-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling overwhelmed this weekend. I sure there is probably some diagnosis a mental health doctor could give me. I'm not ready to go there yet, so I thought I would let you all take a stab at diagnosing my disorder.

Here's my problem. I overextend myself and then get so overwhelmed that I just don't do anything. It's like I go on strike from my life. I quit worrying about housework. I quit all my projects. I just sort of drift while chastising myself for being so behind, yet I don't actually do anything about it. Eventually I snap out of it, and then I go to the extreme in getting everything back on track. I'm the type that just can't bring myself to do chores on a daily basis. I wait until I can't stand it anymore and then I go on a cleaning spree. Same with projects...totally procrastinator. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. When I was little I would wait until my room was a complete disaster and then one day I would just go crazy cleaning....and rearranging furniture. When I was in college I would wait until the night before a big project was due and then pull an all-nighter. It always worked for me. I got A's in school. But now that I'm in real life with kids, a husband, a job and tons of other stuff, it's getting to be too much. How do I make myself be motivated all the time instead of just sporadically? Intellectually, I know that doing one load of laundry a day is much easier than doing 7 on the weekend. Still I put it off. I've thought about this all weekend (instead of cleaning) and I still can't figure out why I'm like this.

Any suggestions? Are any of you like this?

I Think He Likes Joe

2009-01-25T12:11:00.000-08:00

My husband is a quality engineer at a Japanese owned company. Last night we were invited to a dinner party at his co-worker's house to welcome two new employees from Japan. I was a little nervous because I don't speak Japanese and I don't know much about Japanese culture, so I didn't want to do anything to offend them. I got a quick lesson in the basics from the hubby. I knew to be sure to bow lower than they bowed at me and to take my shoes off when entering the apartment(thank God he told me that before we left the house so I could put on matching socks without holes)

Luckily, I had nothing to worry about. Even though I wasn't able to understand the majority of what was being said, I still manage to have a good time and feel at ease. The guys spoke a little (very little) English and they tried very hard to use it as much as possible. Also, there was alcohol served. Lots of alcohol. Apparently it is custom to arrive at a dinner party with a bottle of alcohol for the guest. The problem is that no one gets together beforehand to coordinate this so you end up with a really random stash of alcohol that doesn't always go well together. Unfortunately, it is also custom (at least to these guys) to drink the above mentioned gifts. All of them.

Inventory of the gifts: 2 different types of beer, 4 random bottles of wine, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of tequila and saki.

Let's just say that it was not pretty. Luckily I was driving so I was able to nurse a beer and a couple glasses of wine. Hubby, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. He got to "try" to keep up with them. As fun as the party was, the drive home was even better. My hubby, who is usually pretty quiet, would not shut up. He talked my ear off the entire way home. He kept telling me over and over about how much he really respected and like this one guy, Joe, from work. About how smart he is. And how much he likes him. And how much he respects him. Oh yeah, and how funny he is. And how smart he is. And how much he likes him.

And then he gets the hiccups. The really loud, body racking hiccups. But does that stop him...no. He continues to tell me (hic) how much (hic) he really likes (hic) Joe. And (hic) respects him. (hic) And how smart (hic) he is.

I finally had to stop him and clear something up. I asked him, "So honey, do you think Joe is smart? Do you like him?" Instead of getting the joke he says, "Yes, I really do." And then went on and on some more about it. I was laughing so hard I almost had to pull over. Funny shit. I don't know, maybe you had to be there.

How We See Ourselves

2009-01-18T18:34:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about my self esteem. I recently joined True Femme and started following their blog and listening to their radio show. I've never had the greatest self esteem, but since the birth of my child it has plummeted. I go back and forth with it. I am self confident and somewhat satisfied with my self, but I hate my body right now. I had always been the skinny girl who could eat anything and never gain a pound. Now I'm a good 20 pounds overweight and I'm just not comfortable with my body anymore. I know I am way harsher on myself than other people are. Most people would not consider me fat...just average, but when you've been tiny your whole life, 20 pounds is a big difference. I've come to the conclusion that I need to take charge and get back into shape ASAP. That's the other thing...I've always been athletic and now I am becoming lethargic. I need to get up and moving and start feeling better about myself. Anyone else have fitness goals they want to share??

I wrote a "poem" about self esteem. Actually, I just took the Christmas song, "Do You Hear What I Hear" and came up with new words. I sent it to one of the authors at True Femme and they posted it!!!! Go check it out here and let me know what you think!

Ummm....Gagging here...Don't Read This if You Don't Have an Iron Stomach!

2009-01-15T09:54:00.000-08:00

This just disturbs me. You HAVE to check this out and let me know what you think. Seriously...what next?

My Newest Addiction

2009-01-13T19:00:00.000-08:00

If anyone needs to reach me on Mondays, Wednesdays or Fridays from 2 - 2:30pm (Ohio time) that's just too damn bad. You'll just have to wait. Two of my favorite bloggers, Kadi and Danielle have launched a new website and radio show on blogtalkradio. It is seriously the funniest thing I've listened to in a long time. It's not a show for the kiddies and that may just be what I like the best about it. They cuss, they're crass and they would both know right off the bat that those are compliments. They talk about real stuff and put it all out there. As a mom of three, it is so nice to get a dose of "adult conversation". Now, it only they could do the show EVERY day for about 12 hours!

Check out the upcoming event!! (details copied from their blogsite)

Friday: We will celebrate the launch of Uncorked and the pre-launch of True Femme. The night is ours to hang out and get crazy! Trisha, of MomDot, will be joining us for some uncensored fun and live webcam action. We will be confessing our deepest secrets, unveiling the new BloggersGive venture and giving away prizes! The party starts at 6pm PST on www.stickcam.com/uncorked. You can RSVP here, using Mr.Linky. We hope to see you all on Friday night! Anybody who links back to us or blogs about this, will get an extra entry to win a special prize during the show!

Check them out...I dare you not to shoot milk out your nose!

I Might Have Found Charlie's Pony!!

2009-01-10T19:37:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited! We have been looking for a pony for Charlie to get started riding on. I want something small enough for her, but big enough to last her many years. I want something slow, quiet and broke. I don't want to spend too much money and it wouldn't hurt if it was cute. Not asking for much, am I?

I think I may have found her! She is an eight year old cross between a pinto and an appaloosa. She is kind of palamino in color (my favorite). She has been owner by the same family for the past 6 years. Their kids ride her and she is very broke. The mother was in an accident and no longer rides, so her kids have lost interest. I talked to her on the phone and she has sent me videos and pictures. So far everything sounds great. Unfortunately it is a 3 hour drive to go see her and the weather here SUCKS. As soon as the weather breaks, we are going to go check her out.

What do you think?

Why I'm Slowly Going INSANE!

2009-01-07T18:33:00.000-08:00

This is a really cute toy car that Charlie got from Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas. Awww, it's so cute.

THE FIRST TIME.

Now it is driving me crazy! To get the full effect of what I deal with, turn your speakers ALL THE WAY UP and then replay about 100 times or so. I'll wait.

Yeah...not so cute now, huh. Told ya.

I am the World's Worse Step-Mom

2009-01-06T21:20:00.000-08:00

That is according to my 6 year old stepson.

Because I made him eat one more bite of his mac and cheese.

I know I shouldn't get bent out of shape by a child's comment, but it really kind of stung. I had to leave the room and cool off because it really got to me and my knee-jerk reaction was to tell him just how horrible I could be and ask him if he REALLY wanted to know what having the worse stepmom was really like. Not a good reaction.

I knew this would happen eventually. I mean even bio-parents get the "I hate you" comment sometimes, but I wasn't expecting it yet and certainly not from him. Luckily, hubby came home shortly after the comment so I went to the barn to take it out on some dirty horse stalls. (Ahhh the power of manure therapy). Now that I'm back, the shock and hurt is worn off and been replaced by concern. Hopefully this was just a bad day for him. I worry though because at 6 (and being male), he's not very good at expressing himself and there has been a lot of change in his life this year. I will have to keep a close eye on him and work on drawing him out of his shell and making sure he is not keeping too much bottled up.

I'm sorry, but it's funny.

2009-01-06T06:39:00.000-08:00

Crying in my Cheerios

2009-01-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

My Buckeyes lost :(

It was a great game though.

Do You Have a Map? I Need Direction!

2009-01-05T18:53:00.000-08:00

I started this blog out just to get my feet wet in the blog world and try it out. Now I'm finding that I would like to get more serious about it, but my current blog is very random with no real focus (ya think?). I'm think of starting a new blog with a more specific focus, but I can't decide which way to go. Here's a list of things I'm considering. I would really appreciate any comments...let me know which ideas you like and which ideas suck.

#1. Something horsey. I grew up with horses and they are a huge part of my life.

#2. Focusing on step parenting. When I met my hubby I was thrown into a foreign world of step kids and baby mama drama. I've done a lot of research in order to make our lives as drama free as possible, but there are tons of great stories here.

#3. Something political. I'm hesitant about this one. I'm passionately conservative but I don't have a big knowledge base here. I do however have common sense which is all it really takes (in my opinion)

#4. Keep the same single blog, but focus on a different one of the above topics on scheduled days. For example...Horse post on Monday, Step parenting post on Tues, ect. Do you think this would be to chaotic?

Thanks to everyone who replies!!

Why, why why?

2009-01-05T16:09:00.000-08:00

I love my kids, but for the love of Pete, why do they have to drive me so freaking nuts?!? We recently got a wii-fit and I've been trying to get them into playing it so they can be more active while it's winter and they can't play outside as much as usual. I've been trying to squeeze my own workouts in when they are busy elsewhere. So this evening I want to work out. I ask them if they want to do it too...NO. They most definitely do not. They want to play in their rooms. Sweet. Perfect.

Delusional.

Not 2 minutes into my workout and ALL THREE brats are practically on top of me, firing about a gazillion questions a minutes at me.

What are you doing now?
Why are you using the boy trainer instead of the girl trainer?
What's that?
Can it be my turn now?
I wanna try it.

ARRRRRRRRRRRGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to do balanced yoga, push ups, sit ups, ect while three kids bounce all around you? When I want to play with them, they want nothing to do with me, but the minute I want to be left alone they crawl up my ass. Ugh.

I love my children, I love my children. Rinse. Repeat.

Do Babies Get Hangovers?

2009-01-01T00:16:00.000-08:00

I've puked on New Year's before. I've held the hair of my friend's while they puked on New Year's. What I didn't expect was to have anything to do with anyone puking this year. There I go thinking again.

This year hubby and I decided to spend New Year's playing cards with my parents. Yeah, exciting stuff, but shouldn't involve any drunkeness or puking. We just wanted to be able to spend time with our baby girl and not have to worry about being on the road. (my parents live beside us)

So we had a great, quiet evening playing cards and eating yummy treats. Charlie had a blast playing with her toys and sampling all the tasty food. She ending up falling asleep on my lap before the ball dropped. We brought her home and put her straight in bed. About an hour and a half ago I heard her coughing and then saying, "potty". I went in to check on her and she had puked everywhere. Apparently cocktail wieners, meatballs, chips and dessert + toddler = Nasty. Puke is my least favorite thing in the world and I am a sympathy puker. I managed to get everything cleaned up and get her pj's changed just in time for her to yak again. Nice. So once again I got her all cleaned up and decided to lay down on the couch with her. I put a towel under her and we snuggled in. Just as she is about to drift off she has a coughing fit and manages to turn her head just in time to yak all over in my hair. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Sooooo nasty. I just had to strip us both down for a shower...at 2:30am.

Anyway, she is squeaky clean (for now) and tucked into bed (on top of a towel & FAR away from my hair) in her third pair of jammies tonight. Cross your fingers that we are done with puke fest '09. Sorry for the disgusting post, but it was so ridiculous that I had to share.

Lesson #1 learned in 2009...don't let the toddler eat EVERYTHING she wants just because it is a special occasion.

NOOOO!!! Not a dull pocketknife!!!

2008-12-26T12:05:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderful Christmas! We were able to spend the entire day with our families and stuffed ourselves to the point of misery with tons of delicious food. As is tradition, we had a HUGE breakfast at my parents' house. We had a fantastic Thai lunch at Levi's mom's house and then a HUGE dinner at his dad's house. It was great and I'm sure that I gained several nasty pounds. It was such a great day with no drama. Well almost.

After we finished our last family gathering, we headed home and on our way we dropped the kids off at their mom's. Before we even made it home we got an angry call from her. I thought maybe she was upset that we got the kids dirt bikes. She can be a little bit overprotective about some things. Oh no, she was mad about a stocking stuffer. Little Logan got his first pocketknife. It was one of those really cheap ones that is not quite sharp enough to cut bread. We gave him strict instructions that it never leaves the house (except when we go camping) and that he is only allowed to use it with daddy's help. He was so damn proud of that thing. Well, apparently it was the first thing he told his mom about and she flipped her lid. She threatened to call children's services on us. What a freaking joke! I told Levi to tell her we have a LOT more ammo to go to children services with than she could ever have. It was just so ridiculous it was funny. She called Levi's mom and tried to get her to call us to talk some sense into us. Then she had her step-dad call Levi. Finally (to shut her up) we agreed to take it away from him until he gets older. Well, he'll be older tomorrow so we can live with that compromise. We will keep it from him except when he is at home with dad working outside or camping. It's not like it is useful for anything b/c it is so dull, but it makes him feel grown up to have it. Just another fun baby mama drama moment!

Another Shining Example of Why I Hate Public School

2008-12-19T12:07:00.000-08:00

So yesterday the kids and I were driving home. Wait, I was driving, they were passengering. Anyways, I was listening to my favorite conservative talk radio station and of course they are talking about Obama. All of a sudden my stepdaughter pipes up and says, "I hope Obama does a better job at being president than Bush did."

So I answer her, "Well, I hope so too. You always want the new president to improve over the last one. Even if I didn't vote for Obama, I hope he does a good job."

She replies with, "Well he HAS to do a better job than Bush, because he was the worst president we have ever had. He was HORRIBLE."

My turn: "Really. What did he do that was so horrible? What do you think makes him the worse president?" (Seriously, she's been alive for him and Clinton. What kind of contest is that?)

Her reply: "I don't really know, that's just what my teacher told me."

WHAT!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?
Are you kidding me??? A fourth grade teacher blasted the current and outgoing president without giving her students any kind of reasoning? That is ridiculous. I don't care if you love or hate Bush, but this is not something a teacher should be saying. My stepdaughter told me that she didn't give them any examples of why, just her opinion. Of course, my stepdaughter is young and impressionable and thinks that her teachers know everything. She never questioned this and just assumed it to be fact. Is is just me or was that teacher out of line?? I'm thinking about having a talk with the teacher or the administration about this.

Christmas Rant

2008-12-17T07:38:00.000-08:00

I'm so annoyed.

Quick necessary background: My hubby's parents are divorced and live in the same town as us. His sister and her family (hubby and son) live about an hour away.

So anyway, this year they decide that it is just too much running for them and their 3 yr old to have to drive here and do Christmas with both seperate parents(in addtition to her hubby's families). They have decided to come to the father's house on Christmas day and then celebrate Christmas with her mom at another day and time. They want us to come to their house on either Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas. Here's the thing. I get 2 days off for Christmas, the day of and the day after. I don't want to spend BOTH days running all over the place. The other thing is that we will see them at their father's house on Christmas day, so why on earth would I want to drive all the way to their house the next day?? The excuse that they don't want to have their 3 yr. old out is crap. What about my THREE kids? One of who is only 1 1/2 yr. Not only all of this, but my mother-in-law called me last night and I can tell that she is upset that they are going to drive all the way here on Christmas day to see their dad, but they don't have time to see her too. What's sad is that she doesn't have ANY family here besides her kids. She is from another country and never remarried. She lives alone and her kids/grandkids are her life. Why they can't find time to stop and see her is ridiculous. I know it's not convienant...nothing about the holidays is, but suck it up and deal.

I for one have decided. I'm an NOT traveling out of town on Christmas or the day after. I will go to my parents and both of his parents as planned. It they chose not to do this, then that is on them. I'm not changing my plans.

Oh yeah...they pulled this last year too and we gave in and went to their house for Christmas. AFTER going to FOUR other places. WITH A 6 MONTH OLD.

NOT. DOING. IT. AGAIN.

Thursday is the Day

2008-12-17T07:31:00.000-08:00

WooHooo! I'm taking tomorrow off for the big cleaning day. I can't wait! I just hope I can keep on track and not get sidetracked. I have a tendency to start to put stuff away and then find myself 3 hours later buried in old photos that I never got around to organizing. Somedays I can be a little ADD.

Well, I'm going to bust some butt and get some things done here at the office so that tomorrow can be totally devoted to getting the house finished. I'll see you all back here on Friday. It things go well, maybe I'll post some pictures of my victory!!

Day Off...But Not Really.

2008-12-15T08:15:00.000-08:00

It's decided. There is no possible way for me to ever get caught up with everything unless I make a change to my hectic schedule. I've come to the realization that what I really need is to take an entire day off from everything else to get things done at home. Actually I need about a week off, but that's never gonna happen. I'm settling for a day. I'm going to try to take a day off either tomorrow or Thursday. The older kids will be at school and I'm sending the baby girl to grandma's. I'm turning off my phone and locking my doors and going to battle with the mountainous piles of laundry, dishes and trash. Maybe this won't be enough time to get it all done, but if I could at least get things started maybe I wouldn't be so overwhelmed. I am a terrible procrastinator and let things build up until I just can't take it anymore. I'm at that point, but have no normal time to attend to the mess. I'm finally at that point where I can't stand the sight of my house and know I need to step up and brave the mess, but all I can seem to manage are small spurts of time in between everything else. I don't work like that. I don't clean a little. I clean A LOT or not at all. Which is why I'm in this mess in the first place.

Anyway, tonight I'm taking the kids to their roller skating party so nothing will get done, but hopefully I'll get my day off that I need tomorrow and kick some dirty house ass!! What's really sad and pathetic about my life is that I'm actually looking forward to an entire day of uninterupted cleaning. Sad. So sad.

News Headlines for My Life (my updates)

2008-12-12T07:34:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I have been swamped and haven't kept up here. I'm going to do a bunch of super-quick updates for all the random situations in my life...

Father Recovers From Heart Surgery
My dad is doing great!! He has made a very speedy recovery. He still has a way to go, but he is back to work part time and feeling a bit more like his old onery self.

Local Woman Gives Birth
My stepkids' mom had her baby. A very cute little girl. There's quite a bit of drama that goes with this, but for now the important thing is that everyone is healthy and doing well.

Local Child Gets New Best Friend
Another happy birth in our lives! One of my best friends just had a baby last week. An adorable little girl named Ava. My baby girl has a new friend!! Mommy and baby are doing great and I'm excited to go visit them later today!

Crazy Blog Lady Almost Goes Postal at Work
Yeah, that would be me. With dad out of the office, I've been holding down the fort. It's been challenging because, not only am I doing the work of two people, I have my daughter (1 1/2 years old) with me. One morning earlier this week, I had a customer call me TWELVE TIMES to resolve a billing issue. I was trying to help this lady who wasn't really comprehending basic check balancing skills, trying to keep my daughter on the toliet and answering two other ringing lines. I about lost my mind...what's left of it.

Family Fights Intestinal Virus
The stomach flu is going around our area. It's a nasty 24 hour bug that leaves you with the dilema of chosing which end to hold over the toliet. It's quick and it's violent and then it's gone, leaving you feeling like you've been hit by a Mac truck. My hubby has it now and I hope it stops with him. If he gives it back to me, he's a dead man!

Local Woman Procrastinates Yet Again. When Will She Learn?
Holy good God, where does the time go? I just realized that Christmas is less than 2weeks away and I don't have ANYTHING done! My house is a mess, I don't even have the tree or the decorations down from the attic, I haven't gone Christmas shopping. Nothing. I'm such a slacker. My goal this weekend is to get a crapload of shit done. Wish me luck.

Politicians Rub Off On Blogger...More Empty Promises
I promise to blog more.
Okay, I promise to TRY to blog more.
Um. maybe.

You Didn't Know We Were This Talented, Did You?

2008-11-24T11:30:00.001-08:00

Check it out!! The whole family performing a little number just for you!!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Rabid Frothing at the Mouth Subsides

2008-11-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

Lordy, I was pissy last week. I don't know what my problem was. Oh yeah...my hubby. Okay, okay, that's not entirely fair. It's been a really hectic and stressful time. My dad had open heart surgery, so I've been doing his work and my own at the office, plus trying to help out them out at home as much as I can. Levi started a new job and has been working crazy hours. Needless to say, we're both a little stressed and edgy.

Well, Saturday night I finally decided it was time to talk b/c if I didn't get some things off my chest I thought I was going to lose it. I was actually surprise b/c we were able to have a civilized conversation without anyone losing their temper (Holy crap batman...I think we're growing up). Anyways, we discussed what was bothering us and tried to come up with some solutions. Unfortunately for now, some of that solution includes, "suck it up", but at least we are going to try to be a little more sensitive towards each other.

I do have to admit that while I was so busy being pissed off at him, I didn't bother to take into account the fact that in return I was being bitchy, which made him more of an asshole, which made me more of a bitch, which made him more of an asshole, which made me more of a bitch....you get the picture. Hehe.

Doormat Searching For Answers

2008-11-21T07:01:00.000-08:00

Why do I let myself become a doormat for some people? Namely, my husband. How did it get this far? I love him, but little by little I love myself less. I don't think he does it intentionally. It starts out with me doing something I don't have to do, just to be nice. Then before I know it, what started out as a favor has become a responsibility. Then before long, I have a long list of things that I do so he doesn't have to and I resent it. I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed and I'm starting to fight depression.

WTF Baby Mama Drama

2008-11-03T06:37:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged yet about my husband's ex-wife and the mother of my stepkids. The back story is so long and drama filled that I just haven't felt like tackling it. Not only would it take forever to explain (I should just write a book), but we've gotten past the major drama of it and I try not dwell on it. Anyway, all you need to really know to understand this post is the following...
1. My hubby was married brief to his X (I'll call her Mikki) and had two kids, a son who is 6 and a daughter who is 10 in a couple of weeks.
2. The kids live with us most of the time even though the official arraingment is shared parenting.
3. "Mikki" has a good job, but does not manage her money well. This year she has had her house forclosed on and her car repoed. She doesn't contribute for the kid's expenses (much).

So, on with the story...

The kids spent this past weekend at her house and came home last evening with breaking news. This is the conversation that I had with my step-daughter...

Stepdaughter comes running in the house: "Guess what? I'm going to have another baby brother or baby sister! Mom is pregnant."

Me: "Really?"

SD: "Yup. She's been pregnant for six months, but she didn't want to tell us until she was really sure."

Me: "Wow. That's exciting."

* At this point she ran off to her room and the conversation continued later that night when she brought it up again.

SD: "I can't believe I'm going to have another brother or sister!"

Me: "Yeah, that's pretty exciting."

SD: "You know, mom didn't do it the normal way."

Me: "Do what the normal way?"

SD: "Get pregnant."

**At this point I was really concerned about where this was going to go.

Me: "Oh really, what do you mean?"

SD: "She didn't have....(pause)...you know....S - E - X (whispered spelling)

Me: "Oh she didn't, well how did she get pregnant then?"

SD: "I don't know. She said it just happened."

ARGHRGH!!!!! For the love of God. Seriously???? She seriously told a 10 year old that it "just happened"?? That's great, just great. She's freakin 10. She knows how it works. Way to take responsibility. Just another example of her fine parenting skills. Unbelievable.

I am still in shock about this whole thing. I really don't know how she is going to do it. She works 3rd shift, so she's going to have to find a sitter. She doesn't ever have any money now. They live in a two bedroom rental. She has a tiny little beat up car. She doesn't do hardly anything for the two kids she already has. She smokes like a chimney...in the house. I feel so sorry for the poor baby being brought into her world.

Just a Quick Update On My Dad & Thanks!

2008-10-29T07:25:00.000-07:00

This is going to be short and sweet because I'm exhausted and still have a lot do get done. I just wanted to let you all know that my dad is doing well. His surgery was yesterday at 7:15am and he came through it beautifully. We were able to see him yesterday early afternoon. He was in quite a bit of pain (to be expected), but was managing. He even was able to crack a joke and give the nurse a hard time, which if you know him is also expected :) I'm heading back to the hospital later today to spend some time. I'm working off about 6 hours sleep over the past 2 nights, so I'm dragging a bit. I'll try to keep updates on here as I'm able.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. I have no doubt that your prayers were heard. I appreciate it more than I can say.

Charlie's Animal Sounds

2008-10-23T07:46:00.000-07:00

My kid LOVES animals and knows a ton of sounds. Unfortunately, my phone only takes 17 second videos, so this is all I could get at one time.

Here she is busting a move!

And here are two videos of her riding her bouncy horse. I think I've created a monster!!

Okay...I'll quit boring you all with my kid now! Thanks for stopping by!

Screw Accuracy...These Are Great!

2008-10-17T13:13:00.000-07:00

I received an email today with a bunch of quotes that beg to be shared. I don't know if they are accurate or not. I was going to check them all out, but I'm too lazy. Besides, they are great thoughts regardless. Have a great weekend everyone!

'If you don't read the newspaper you are
uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.'
-Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress....
But then I repeat myself.
-Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into
prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend
on the support of Paul.
-George Bernard Shaw

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a
sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from
poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
-Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys
to teenage boys.
-P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to
live at the expense of everybody else.
-Frederic Bastiat, Economist (1801-1850)

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short
phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it
stops moving, subsidize it.
-Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
-Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it
costs when it's free!
-P.J. O'Rourke?

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money
as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
-Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
-Unknown

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite
at one end and no responsibility at the other.
-Ronald Reagan

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress.
-Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong
enough to take everything you have.
-Thomas Jefferson?

My Wallet & The Financial Crisis...Someone Educate Me, Please!

2008-10-17T12:52:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about this alot lately, and while I usually claim to know about everything, I'm going to have to humble myself to ask for more information. Maybe I'm just too poor to feel it. Maybe it hasn't "trickled down" to me yet. All I know is that there has been a whole lot of panic going on about Wall Street. I just haven't felt it yet. I'm sure that if the situation wasn't attented to, it would EVENTUALLY affect me. The problem I'm am having trouble wrapping head around is this. How many Americans are genuinely panicked about this? I'm certainly not. The media and Washington seems to want to throw us all into a panic. OH NO...I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET A LOAN OR CREDIT. I just got approved for yet another credit card. I'm just not seeing it yet. I'm not saying there isn't a serious problem here. I'm just wondering if this really needs to be called a CRISIS. Is it? The canidates keep talking about how "Main Street America" is so stressed and worried about this crisis. I'm freaking as "Main Street American" as it gets, and I'm not sitting here biting my nails over this. I'm frankly sick of hearing about it. Call me when it's fixed b/c I probably won't notice. So I as all of you (you know, my four faithful readers); Do you really think that "Main Street Americans" are panicked? Do you think the Presidential Canidates are hitting this issue too hard? If they are out there to appeal to the "working class" do you think this is the main issue on that group's minds? Just askin.

Troubles On My Mind

2008-10-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed that I haven't been keeping up on my posting as much as usual lately. I have been having some trouble concentrating lately. A few weeks ago my dad had some tightness is his chest. Because of the history of heart trouble on his side of the family, he thankfully got checked out right away. To make a long story short(er), the results of numerous tests determined that he has a bad heart valve and needs a single by-pass. He is scheduled for open heart surgery on Monday, October 27th at 7:15am.
Everyone assures us that this surgery is fairly routine (as far as heart surgery goes) and that he has everything going for him. I know they are right. He's fairly young (63) and in excellent shape. He lives on a small horse farm and is always working outside. When it's too cold to do too much outside, he runs two miles a day on the treadmill. Still, all that said, I'm beside myself with worry. Regardless of all the reassurances, I can't ignore the fact that they are going to crack open my dad's chest. The possibility that I could lose my dad, however small, grips my heart with fear.
I'm extremely close to my dad (to both my parents, actually) and we spend an enormous amount of time together. My dad owns a small insurance agency and I've worked there with him for the past eight years. My family lives next door to my parents. We all have horses and work in the barn, go riding and go camping together. We have dinners together. Many nights you can find us at my parent's house playing cards.
This whole thing has really made me think; What will I do without my dad? How will I go to the office everyday and not have him there? How will I go to the barn or go riding without him by my side? What has really hit me hard is the realization that even if all goes well, as expected, I'm going to have to face this stark reality at some point in the future. I've been blessed in my life and have not experienced much loss in my life. The closest relative I've ever lost was my grandfather when I was pretty young. How do you handle grief? It's my biggest fear in my life.
I'll end this with a request I'd don't usually make. Please take a moment out of your day on Oct 27th and pray for my family. Pray for my father. Pray for the surgeon who will hold my dad's life in his hands. Pray for my mom (who is a mess) and pray for me. My endless thanks and gratitude!!

The Sad Truth No One Will Tell

2008-10-09T06:25:00.000-07:00

I'm going to voice what is most likely a very unpopular and un-politically correct opinion. I'll probably offend many people, but sometimes that is the bi product of the truth. I've been battling frustration over this year's election and the polls thus far. This election shouldn't even be close. McCain should be winning by a landslide, yet he is slipping in the polls. What the hell is going on? I've come to the conclusion that Obama supporters generally fall in one of two camps.

Camp number one: the voters who truly believe that we should become a socialist country. I can't tell those voters how to believe...that is why we have elections. I strongly disagree with socialist theory for America. My brother will argue this with me until he is blue in the face. He's been to Denmark(and all over Europe) and thinks it's the perfect model country. I agree that it works well for them, but would fail in a country as large as ours with such deep roots is capitalism(not a dirty word). But I digress. To this camp, I say "to each his own". This group of voters doesn't scare me. There just aren't enough of them to make a difference.

Camp number two: this is the big one. The UNEDUCATED. So this is what no one will say for fear of offending: Do you know why Obama is targeting the lower class (and middle class) as his key voters? Do you? Because the majority are uneducated. They don't normally follow politics. They don't research it. They hear the ads on tv, they listen to the biased media and they blindly believe what they are told. This is the group that scares me... there are so many of them out there.

So what can be done? I'm not sure at this point. I watched the debate and there were blatant lies from Obama. He changes he opinion, his rhetoric and his "friends" depending on who he is talking to and what will benefit him the most. It's obvious to anyone who has done a little research that he is DANGEROUS to America. I don't know what can be done to get the truth out there to the masses. The task is especially daunting with the media being on his side. McCain is going to have to get tough and go after Obama and call him on his bullshit. I don't know if he will do it, but the outcome of the election and the fate of our future is at stake.

A Must Read!

2008-10-07T07:11:00.000-07:00

I just found this and you guys HAVE to go check it out! It's just brilliant!

Diesel's Post

Let me know what you think!!

This Is Just Wrong!

2008-10-07T06:39:00.000-07:00

According to the slogan generator, my slogan is...

Your Slogan Should Be

What Happens in Tiffany, Stays in Tiffany

The Slogan Generator

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

2008-10-07T06:08:00.000-07:00

So who's watching the debate tonight?

Will we just hear more of the same lies and rhetoric or will something new come to light? I'm not sure what to think. Part of me thinks that it will be the same old, same old, but I'm hoping that McCain steps up his game and starts putting some pressure on Obama. There are some many things that Obama has distorted or flat out lied about. It's about time that he has to answer to them.

What You Say And What They Hear

2008-10-06T13:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, quick and funny story. Saturday night Levi and I went to watch the PBR (Professional Bull Riders) with my parents. Because it was a two hour drive, we got to the arena early to let the little munchkin walk around and wear off some energy before having to sit down again. While we were walking around with her, Levi was signing up for all kinds of offers and getting free stuff: pens, tshirts, magazines, ect.

Fast forward to the break before the final round. One of the sponsors was having a drawing from all the entries they received that night. They brought a big barrel out into the arean and drew the 1st name. Some guy won $100. Then they drew a 2nd name...for $500....LEVI!!!! Holy Crap! We never win. Talk about a sweet night!!

Fast forward again to the next morning at church. My grandparents come up to Levi and want to know if he's doing okay? (Ummm...compared to what) He assures them that he is fine. Then they ask if he's sore. (At this point I really am confused. What the heck are they talking about? Do they have a secret camera in our bedroom?) At this point I have to ask them what the heck they are talking about. Apparently my parents told my other grandma, who told them about Levi winning the drawing last night. Their interpretation? They thought that Levi won $500 RIDING a bull. Too funny! This is the guy who has broken 4 bones playing church volleyball. A bullride would have him in traction.

Have a Great Weekend!

2008-10-03T12:06:00.000-07:00

I'm heading home for the weekend, so I'll catch you all back here on Monday!

I'll leave you with a video of my baby riding her precious bouncy horse. She's a natural!(that's my mom in the background...not me)

Debate Commentary

2008-10-03T06:19:00.000-07:00

First of all, to address my previous post...I think Gwen Ifill did a good job. I didn't notice any blatant bias on her part. Perhaps a closer look who establish something minor. I didn't keep tract of who got to go first more or which questions when to whom. On the surface it seemed fair and had I not know about her book, I would have never questioned her based on the debate itself.

On the canidates. I think the both did a respectable job with no major misteps. It was pretty uneventful and tame. No name calling and not much in the way of personal jabs...which would have been more interesting. I personally like Palin better (although I liked her better going in). I thought that Biden spun the facts (read:lied). I think that Palin talked straight to the American people and I think many people will really like what she had to say. I think she is on the money that people are tired of our government and the way it is run. I suppose it has to be called an almost even draw.

The most interesting thing was watching the recaps and analysts after the debate. I flipped back and forth between Fox News, MSNBC and CNN. It is amazing how much differnce there was in opinion among the different networks. If the damn media isn't biased, no one is.

Biased Moderator For Tonight's Debate??

2008-10-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

There's been quite a bit of talk about tonight's vp debate and the alledged bias of the moderator, Gwen Ifill. Now normally I am the first to join the attack against media bias. I think there are a lot of reporters who have a very obvious bias that comes through in their reporting and it infuriates me. In this case, however, I'm not(yet) convinced this is a big deal. First of all, let's face it, everyone is biased to some degree. Journalist are supposed to remain inpartial in there reporting. That doesn't mean they can have opinions, just that they should keep those opinions to themselves. Secondly, from what I've read about the book that Ifill is writing, I'm not sure that it as much as a pro-Obama book as it's being portrayed by the right wing. From what I've read about it, the book is more about black Americans throughout history and how far they have come. She covers many black leaders from both parties. I think that she could be an impartial moderator even if she admires one canidate more that the other. Will she? We'll just have to wait and watch tonight.

Where is my Ridalin?

2008-10-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

I'm bored and I can't even think of anything fun to write about. I'd really like to run at the mouth about politics or something fun, but I can't concetrate on any one thing long enought to make any coherent points. Maybe I have a touch of the old ADD. Speaking of which, what is with EVERYONE claiming to have ADD now? Adults, kids, it doesn't seem to matter. I'm sure it exists and is a very real condition for some people, but come on. Really? I feel like I have ADD sometimes (like today) but most likely I'm just a scatterbrain who can't concentrate. Or it has something to do with having 3 kids and a job. Or it has something to do with going from a 6 can a day Mt. Dew habit to zero. Probably a combination of all of the above. Anyway, here is my list of things I'd like to blog about, but just don't have the concentration for today. Maybe tomorrow.

1. Being PC. Not a personal computer you moron...politically correct. I hate all the PC police out there. If I have to deal with hearing about "holiday trees" this year again, someone is going down. Why all of a sudden is everyone so thin skinned?
Oh shit. Is there some thin skin disorder out there that I've just offended?

2. Racism/affirmative action/quotas. Meet the new minority in America...the white male. They are probably the only group I can think of that doesn't have a minority stake in something. Also, I think the most racist people in the country are black. (not all of course, but some) I heard someone say that it isn't possible for black people to be racist...bullhonky.

3. Feminism was great up to a point, but now it is out of control and is counterproductive. Feminism was meant to strive to equal oppertunity for women, not special treatment. It's the same problem I have with affirmative action.

4. Sex Ed for Kindergarden. All I have to say is that it my kid's schools ever decide to implement this, I will yank my kids out of there faster than you can say Obama. Have you seen the Sex Ed that Obama supports?!?!?

So there it is...a sampling of the random shit swirling around in my brain today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a saner day.

Fun Video

2008-10-01T10:08:00.001-07:00

Someone emailed this to me today and I got a kick out of it. Had to share it!

Is it just me?

2008-09-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or is there an creepy resemblance here??

Taking Control

2008-09-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

When I was looking through all my pictures for my profile, I came to a profound conclusion. Damn, I looked pretty good back then. WTF happened?!? I know, McDonalds, childbirth and plain old laziness happened. I visited an old college roommate this weekend and she's lost weight since college and looks fantastic. I'm inspired....or maybe just sickened of the flabby outer layer of my body. I'm starting eating healthy today. And exercising. Ugh. It's just so hard to get started. I know that I will feel better once I cut out the dozens of Mt. Dews per week and the junk carbs. I've done it before and I know I will have so much more energy. It's just that I'm too lazy to start. I'm too lazy to do something that will give me more energy. I'm my own worse enemy.

Now for the big decision. I need a motivational picture to put on the refridgerator. Should I use the good picture from the honeymoon(basically, my goal) or should I take a nasty picture of me in a swimsuit NOW? Hmm. Maybe that will make everyone in my family lose weight. They will lose their appetite everytime they go to the fridge. Hey, that's one way to save on grocery money.

Okay, here's the diet plan:
NO MORE MT. DEW!!
No more white bread products
No more food after 10pm
Eat Breakfast
Exercise
Quit finishing what the kids don't eat.

MUST WATCH VIDEO

2008-09-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

I found this video on Lauren's Blog. It goes really quick, so you'll either have to pause it or watch it a few times, but it is definitly worth your time. Send it everyone you know.

Too tired to think straight

2008-09-29T08:20:00.001-07:00

Well, my weekend was a good time all around, but now I am zapped. We left for earlier than I planned on Sunday, so we were home by 3:30. I thought I was doing good. Kids were ready for bed early last night so Levi and I were going to have a quiet, early to bed evening. Yeah right. Levi decides to go play volleyball for a couple hours with our church group. They play every Sunday night. No big deal, right? Sure. He comes home early, limping. He came down wrong on his foot and thinks maybe he broke his toe. 2 hours and seven shades of purple later and he's off to the emergency room. He broke his toe AND his foot. Great. I think he has broken about every bone in his body at least once. I don't know how he does it. This is the third broken bone because of church volleyball. Come on, we're not talking about a competitive game here. It's just recreational volleyball. And it's not like my husband is in bad shape. He is completely accident prone. Next time he instists on playing volleyball, I'm bubble wrapping his ass. Ugh.

Heading out for the weekend

2008-09-26T07:51:00.001-07:00

I'm getting ready to leave for the weekend. I'm going to visit my roommate from college. We haven't seen each other for about 12 years, so I'm pretty excited. I'm not, however, looking forward to the 4 hour drive with my daughter and step-daughter. Ugh. I'll be back to posting on Monday.

Side note: What the F%#k is up with this banking crap?? I don't know near enough about economics to say much, but what a mess. I don't know the answer, but I have a pretty good handle on the problem. There are some big wigs out there that need to go bankrupt and not get bailed out.

Where to begin

2008-09-25T11:39:00.000-07:00

Hmm. So looking back at my initial postings I'm seeing that I basically did junior high journal entries. "I picked out my flowers, I picked out my dress, blah, blah, blah." It kinda made me want to stab myself in the eye. I'm so not like that. I'm not little miss sunshine and roses. I'm deleting those and starting fresh. I'm switching gears and blogging on all those obnoxious opinions I have. All those things I always want to say, but don't. All those things people don't really care about. Now I have a platform to speak my mind. No one can interrupt me here!! I'm SURE (note the sarcasm) you all just can't wait to hear all the things I'm right about. In case you're not sure if you want to stick around for this, here's a basic sample of my opinions. Let me know what you want hear about first and I'll try to be accommodating (don't get use to that).

** Politics - seriously, don't ask me to start here. I'll probably just offend everyone and never get any readers. My generic beliefs summed up in one quickie sentence...I'm a conservative with Libertarian leanings who basically thinks the whole system is screwed up. I hate extremists of all most all forms. (Okay, that was two sentences)

** Religion - I grew up Lutheran and still go to a Lutheran church. I'm set in my belief in Christianity, but that's about it. I'm still exploring and searching. I have an open mind and I don't like the hypocritical nature of many organized religions.

** Guns - keep 'em legal.

** Burger King - sucks b/c they started charging for Ranch.

** Motherhood - The most important job I do. My mom was a stay at home mom and I owe so much to her. I wish I had the luxury to do the same, but I have to work. I'm struggling to do the best I can at both.

** Step-families - SUCK. Not really, but they stress me out. I have two step-kids. I love them, but man to they try me some days. I've done a lot of research on living in a blended family and I'm living it, so I have plenty of opinions here!

** My brother - he's my baby brother by 4 1/2 years. He knows EVERYTHING...just ask
him. Whenever we get together, it usually means sitting in our garage (the only place you can sit and smoke and argue until 4am) and arguing everything under the sun. Mostly politics. He is a liberal and would be communist if he could, so basically we don't agree on much. Add to that the fact that he will argue anything with me just for the sake of arguing, makes all of our discussions a blast.

**My husband - He's freaking hot & I love him, but I still want to twist off his nuts most days.

Alright, enough for now. Trust me, I can spew on about any topic, so bring it on!!

Dandelions

2008-05-08T07:09:00.001-07:00

Dandelions
"Dandelions are tap-rooted biennial or perennial herbaceous plants, native to temperate areas of the Northern Hemisphere of the Old World. They are commonly known as weeds or ruderals." (copied from Wikipedia)

I was looking back through some old writings of mine and I came across something I wrote in junior high about dandelions. I started thinking about what I had written and the more I thought about it, the more it evolved. I don't even know what to call it. My theory? Not really a theory. I'm not sure. But here it is.
When I was a little girl, I used to go out into our yard and pick beautiful bouquets of flowers for my mom. She loved them. I did this every year and then one year my mom finally informed me that these beautiful yellow flowers where really just weeds. WHAT?!? WHY?? I just couldn't understand what made them weeds. But, as any young kid is apt to do, I just accepted that and moved on through life never thinking much more about until now.
The other day I was looking at my yard and thinking about all those damn yellow weeds and how hard they are to get rid of. What a pain in the ass. Then my daughter came in with a flower for mommy.

I didn't see a weed anymore. I saw that same flower I picked for my mom all those years ago. Why couldn't I look at them they same way my innocent little girl did? Why should I see them as weeds? They're not ugly. Is it just because everyone calls them weeds? If I wanted my yard covered in pretty yellow posies, I'd probably have all kinds of trouble getting flowers to grow there. Why be annoyed with these hardy little beauties?
It's all about our perception. If you look at a dandelion as a weed, then it's a bothersome, ugly little nuisance. If you look at it like a flower, then all of a sudden you erase all the negative emotions connected with it. It's like this with alot of things in life. Our jobs, our families, our responsibilities. We chose how we look at these. Are they annoyances or blessings? I'm going to try to start looking at the things in my life like flowers, not weeds and the next time I mow the yard, I'm going to feel a bit of sorrow that I'm wacking off all those yellow buds. Never fear though. They'll be back. The always come back.

1st Actual Entry

2006-12-06T11:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this is my 1st official post on here. Everything you see before this is stuff I've copied and pasted from my former blog. I kinda slacked on keeping up on things as you can tell, so here's the update... The wedding went wonderfully. I really couldn't have asked for it to go any better. Our honeymoon(to Florida) was so much fun and sooo relaxing! We really could have just stayed there forever...except for the whole running out of money and having no jobs thingy. lol...oh well. Anyway, we started trying to get pregnant pretty much right after the wedding and weren't having any luck. Sure enough, as soon as we gave up and quit trying so hard, I got pregnant!! I'm so excited about it!! I'm still just sort of shocked and amazed that there is a whole other person growing inside me. Two weeks ago we got to go get the first ultrasound and I can't tell you what a rush that was. I could see it's little heart beating and everything. It was probably the coolest thing I've experienced. I'm sure I'll be posting more and more often now. The pregnancy hormones have made my emotions off the wall and sometimes it's just easier to write, and "get all the crazies out". I'm sure that for the next months I'll probably have all sorts of crazy rants and raves!

Starting to panic a little

2006-12-06T07:34:00.000-08:00

January 6th, 2006
Good Golly, time's flying by!! It's getting so close and I'm so excited! So, I finally found my bridesmaid dresses. We found them at Morgan's Bridal, which is right here in town. The dresses are on order and won't be here until the middle of March. Talk about cutting it close! The guys have their tuxes picked out and I got Kenzie her flower girl dress and shoes. And I finally found my shoes(and on sale!). We have the caterer, the DJ, the photographer and I have my invitations almost ready to send out. I also have my flowers and most of the hall decorations ready. I think that I'm almost to a point where there isn't much left to do but wait and see. Oh, I still have to find gifts for the bridal party and I'm still looking for something to exchange with the kids. I think I'm going to get them a simple silver bracelot to kinda match our rings. I'm so afraid I'm forgetting something. Ugh.

Bridesmaid dress shopping

2006-12-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

Novemeber 9th, 2005
So I took two of my bridesmaids(Kristen & Julie) dress shopping on Saturday(Nov5th). We went to Dayton to David's Bridal. It was overwhelming. We finally found a dress we all LOVED and then found out it doesn't come in my color. We had a great time, but didn't end up finding anything we liked yet. Oh well, I guess that just means we get to have another girls day out! I went to try on my dress that day too. Wanted to see how much weight I was going to have to shed to get into it. I bought it last year and it was snug then. Guess What?!? It still fits!!! I am SOOO relieved! I was really worried that it wasn't going to zip up!

Bridesmaid Dresses

2006-12-06T07:31:00.000-08:00

Oct. 18th, 2005
Ooooh! I found a bridesmaid dress I LOVE!! Unfortunately it is pretty pricey. My bridesmaids are all buying their own dresses and I refuse to make them shell out a ton of money for a dress they will wear once. My maid of honor(such a sweetheart)said to me, "I don't care how much it costs, it's beautiful and you're only getting married once. I want your wedding to be perfect, so I will buy it." Okay...that is why she is my maid of honor...what a great friend! However, I still think it is ridiculous to buy expensive bridesmaid dresses. So...now the search is on for a dress "like" the one I found, but cheaper!!

More attendants!

2006-12-06T07:30:00.000-08:00

Oct. 18th, 2005
Okay, so yesterday my mom calls me and tells me that she talked to my brother(he's in college) and that he is disappointed that he has not been asked to be one of Levi's groomsmen. I can't believe he would even want to! I had already planned on having him and all his friends be ushers. Isn't that what brothers of the bride usually do?! Anyway...I love my brother and definitely want him involved. I would have him be a bridesmaid...but I don't think he would want to wear the dress . Anyway, Levi and I talked about it last night and we decided that we will ask my brother to be a groomsman and Levi's sister to be a bridesmaid. That means that now we will each have 5 attendants, which is more than I had planned, but oh well. It would mean alot to me to have my brother up there with us. I'm still trying to register the fact that he wants to be in the wedding. It's pretty sweet.

More wedding planning

2006-12-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

Oct. 12th, 2005
Alright, I've got a few minutes, so here is some more info about the wedding planning...
Color: I'm going with light pink. I'm trying to decide if I want a second color. I really like light pink and burgendy(sp) together, but I just had a friend use those colors. I also had another friend do pink and black, so that's out. I'm thinking about sticking with mostly pink and maybe using some silver here and there.
Bridesmaids: I'm having four. All of them are friends from when we were little. I've told 3 of the 4. The fourth one will probably be surprised to be asked. Her and I grew up with alot of the same friends, but we never really hung out until about a year ago. Now we are pretty close. I'm sure she will be surprised to be asked to be in it, but I really can't invision her not being up there with me.
Cake: We haven't picked out an exact cake yet, but we've looked at a bunch and we know what style we want. My mom is going to make it for us. She used to do wedding cakes all the time, but she doesn't really have the time anymore. She originally said she didn't want to do it because she would have enough stress that week, but I talked her into it. I told her how much it would mean to us it she would do it. I remember watching her do wedding cakes when I was a kid and thinking about how someday she would make a beautiful cake for me!!
Favors: I actually have the problem of having too many favors right now. My mom is very creative and she has come up with about 4 different favors. I like them all and can't decide. Maybe I'll go with 2.
Dress: I love my dress, but I bought it a year ago and now I'm going to have to do some exercising to squeeze into the thing. It was a tad tight when I bought it, so I'm sure I'm going to have to shed some pounds. I should go try it on and see how far off I am, but I'm afraid. I think I will go try it on after I've lost my first 5 pounds. I'm such a chicken!! Well, I've got to get some actually work done today at work, so I'd better get to it. I'll update more here later!

How big is too big!

2006-12-06T07:24:00.000-08:00

Oct. 11th, 2005
Okay, Size does matter....when you're trying to plan a wedding. So, DF and I have been tossing around wedding ideas for awhile, but we are now starting to actually decide on things. We contemplated the idea of eloping or having a very small intimate wedding, but have decided against it. We both have too big of families to limit it and my mom would be crushed if she wasn't included(if we eloped). Anyway...we decided that we wanted to go the whole 9 yards and have a traditional wedding. We definitely are not going to get ridiculous, but we are going to do the whole formal wedding thing. I was thinking a nice medium size wedding...not too big, not too small....then I went with my mom to rent the reception hall. While we were filling out paperwork, she asked the manager how many the hall would seat. He said 350(I'm thinking....Plenty)and my mom pauses and then asks what happens if we have more. WHAT?! Holy Hell!! I don't even KNOW 350 people. Oh well...I guess the more the merrier!!

Wedding date set!

2006-12-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

10/10/2005
Alright!! The date is officially set!! March 25, 2006 is the date of my wedding!! Whoohooo!! Okay...I'm excited and I'm nervous. Excited to finally get to do this, but nervous about all the details I have to keep straight. Ok...here's where I am with the planning...
Bought Dress!
Reserved Church/PastorReserved
Reception Hall Reserved
Church Organ playerReserved
Singer(s) for ceremonyPicked
Bridesmaids/maid of honor
Picked Groomsmen
Picked Groom(hehe)
I would make a list of all the things I have left to do, but I don't want to scare myself!